In most personal ambitions I undertake, I find myself looking backwards to detect patterns, in order to determine which forward direction I should take. I believe any successful endeavour is a combination of learning lessons of the past and taking the risk of moving forward into unfamiliar territory.
With my latest ambition, which ironically is a resurrection of an old ideal, I can only think of moving forward. To me, there is nothing to look backward upon - all I feel is this push forward. Or maybe it's a pull I feel.
I feel like I'm ready to grab this bull by the horns. It's going to thrash me around in the dirt and tear my clothes but I know I'll hang on. This is not about finding out IF I'll hang on; this is about putting the bull in it's place and emerging victorious. Although it's not victory I'm after but really, scratching an itch. Giving into a force that has never really left me. And Darren Aronofsky showed me how, unbeknownst to him.
I really, really hope that, after it's all said and done I can thank him myself.